my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
