Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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