She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
