when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
