i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
