Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
