Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
