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• (760): View more from California

  What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo

  (619): View more from California

  Cremation, why do you ask?

  (760): View more from California

  I think we have a bit of a problem

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?

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• (760): View more from California

  We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix

  (760): View more from California

  THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Dude chill patience is a virtue.

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work

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• (631): View more from New York

  my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.

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