Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
