Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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