I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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