Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
