i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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