fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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