I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
