Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
