2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
