Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
