just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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