Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize