3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
