I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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