so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
