So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
