i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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