His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
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Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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