Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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