It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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