Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
