Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
