tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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