The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
