I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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