God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
