Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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