I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
