why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
