Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
