i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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