It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
