I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
