There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
