After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
His hands were made for my vagina.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
