i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
