whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
