so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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