my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
