Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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