Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
