i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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