youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
