no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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