return my video game
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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