NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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