where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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