i wish peter jackson would direct porn
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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