so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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