Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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