I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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