We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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