this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
